Now, on to my situation. Sigh. El Cesar. Could this be The One, Kristen? Could it really be The One? Now, before you give me your opinion, please remember to look at this as though you were me, and not as though you were you, because I think you and I want very different things and are attracted to very different types of men. Though I, too, and often attracted to men for the wrong reasons.

I think I am one of those people who only likes people who doesn't like them. Or, who like them, but not as much. Or, I only feel sure about a guy if there's a problem -- if he does something to hurt me. Because if he does something to hurt me, then I feel bad about it, and when I feel bad about it, I'm like, oh, this bad feeling must be because I love him. Know what I mean?

That said, Cesar is perfect. Except for the whole being thousands of miles away part. But he doesn't cause me any stress, so I think it's not working. Well, of course he causes me stress, but that's because I miss him, and because I over analyze him, but that's my problem, not his. All of my problems with him come from me, is the thing. I know this. It doesn't come from his behavior.

When we were together, he did do some minor things to piss me off, of course. But mostly I didn't say anything about it because that's not the type of relationship we had, like, where I had the right to discuss problems I had with him. But then everything sort of changed when we went to Ecuador...all of a sudden I realized he did care about me. And that I cared about him. So now things are different, and we talk about everything. We email pretty often, and there are all these really cheap phone cards on the internet so I can call him for pretty cheap too. So..I think it will be possible to keep in relatively good touch, if we want to.

Right now I'm just sort of waiting for his next move. I'm waiting to see if he fulfills his half of the bargain here. And if he does, if he continues to, well, I don't know. We shall see. I do NOT want another Mormon situation here. That's probably part of the reason I'm so reticent about the whole thing, why I'm holding back a bit. Because I never want to need someone the way I needed the Mormon. That is not love to me. That is something in myself that causes me to practically physically crave another person.

Not to mention there's the whole stress of, how the fuck do I get him into this country, if we DO keep going with this, but I don't even want to touch that with a ten foot pole at the moment. Yeesh.

SO!! Guess where I am writing from. Woodinville, Washington, the happiest place on earth! I have to live through three weeks at mom's house, and then I'm off again, this time to Wyoming to work for the summer. At the moment I am rather pissed. I went off this morning to do some stuff (Jesus CHRIST you spend money fast back in the US) and while I was gone my mom left the house too, and she set her house alarm while neglecting to tell me how to disarm it. So now every time I try to enter the house this blood curdling squeal goes off. Welcome back to the US! Where people live in fear! I don't know when she's getting back, and I couldn't go inside, so I fled to the library. My mom doesn't even need a house alarm. Nobody's going to break into her goddamn house to steal her Miss Piggy paraphernalia, or her "Jesus is in my heart" cross stitched nick nacks either. Grrr!!

Anyway, I will try to let that go. So I'm back at home! Am I happy about it? Not really. Although I am looking forward to my new job. It is going to rock. But a lot of things have happened in the past few weeks....

Where do I begin. I think I left off with chapter 127 of The Adventures of Chloe Bowen, where Chloe goes off for a weekend by herself to Cajamarca, Peru, only to discover a 4' 11" Peruvian male who is more than happy to show her around, as long as she dangles the potential, even slightest potential, of getting to see her boobs. Well as you recall from the last page of that chapter, Chloe ended up returning home without showing her boobs to anyone, but still having a good time.

Chapter 128 begins the next week, when Chloe goes on The Great American Weekend with her friend April to Chimbote, a town south of Trujillo, famed for the strong smell of fish which permeates the town. The two of us realized we hadn't really hung out with any US'ers in a good long while, so we planned to do all things American -- talk American, eat American, reminisce about things we missed about America. More or less we did this and realized that the things we missed most were good pizza and Napoleon Dynamite.

The reason we had gone to this town in particular was, well, not any real good reason. It's not a super-touristy or interesting place, but we sort of wanted to get out of Huanchaco, and Chimbote isn't very far away. There was supposedly an island you could hire a fisherman to take you out to where you could walk and play with the birds. This island was called La Isla Blanca because it is covered in guano. An interesting effect. Anyway we got to the town, found a crappy cheap hotel, and were setting off to attempt to find the island, when I happened to run into an aquaintance of mine from Huanchaco on the street. It IS a small world. He's one of the artisans who sells their crafts to the tourists. He's really good actually. AND not creepy. So he helped April and I out a lot in finding and getting to the island. The next day April and I hung out with the locals at the pool, and then toddled on back to Huanchaco.

That was my last weekend in Huanchaco. After that I had to get my ass in gear to get ready to leave. This was hindered, however, by the fact that I had had a cold for about two weeks which just wouldn't go away. It kept getting worse and worse. Cesar kept telling me, "You should go to the doctor!" which of course made me LESS likely to go, but eventually I did, and it turned out I had sinusitis. So for the past two weeks I've been on antibiotics, only now I've run out, and in all honesty, I'm not sure I'm totally better. I might need more antibiotics. But I don't want to go to the doctor HERE because it costs like $1,000.

Anyway, this did not make leaving Huanchaco any easier. I had invited Cesar to come with me on my voyage up the coast of Ecuador, but I still wasn't sure if he was going to come. And in all honesty I wasn't sure if I WANTED him to come. No, I wanted him to come, but I wasn't totally sure how it was going to be..if we would get along, or if we would argue, or what would happen. And since I didn't know for sure even if he was coming, I wasn't banking on it.

Well, turns out, he did come with me. And it was fabulous, it was wonderful, it was better than I could have hoped...Let me explain.

So we left Trujillo on an overnight bus to Tumbes, a sketchy ASS border town in Peru. We got to Tumbes early in the morning, and I thought having Cesar with me would be a help fending off the leeches there that try to rob and cheat and steal from the tourists, but I was wrong. Cesar might be a brown male, but he's not a very experienced traveller. Luckily, however, I was more worldly wise than he was and had crossed the border once before, so I was able to determine when somebody was trying to SCREW us and blow them off. So we got through no problem and directly caught another bus to Guayaquil.

Remember, I had sinusitis. My head had hurt the entire bus ride to Tumbes, and by the time we were on our way to Guayaquil it was like 800 degrees outside and we had been in the bus for 19 hours. I developed a migrane headache. It hurt so bad, I was crying. FINALLY we get to Guayaquil and find some stupid hotel, but my head hurt all day, and all day the next day. We ended up having to spend an extra day in Guayaquil.

Finally, however, we were on our way up the coast. Our first stop was Montanita, this super-touristy beach town. It was okay, but really touristy. Also, FYI: there is a good reason they warn you about going in the sun when you are on antibiotics. I went out sunbathing a few hours after taking my pill thinking to myself, "HA..drug warnings are for pussies..what's the worst that could happen?" Well, I'll tell you. I broke out in a horrible itchy, bumpy rash all over my ENTIRE BODY. So THAT'S why the warnings there..huh. Luckily though it only lasted like a day and then it was gone. From then on I was more careful.

The next day we went to this adorable little place on the coast called Puerto Lopez, with a lovely warm water sandy beach and really nice people. We ended up going out on a boat with some folks who then invited us over for dinner. It was Cesar's first time on a boat, so he was really excited. Cesar loved the whole thing actually, which made me happy. We spent a few days in Puetro Lopez and then headed up the coast to another town, Canoa, with even WARMER water and a bigger sandy beach. It was fabulous. After that we had to face going to Quito and another horrifyingly hot bus ride, but we made it. The next day I flew off to Seattle and Cesar toddled off back to Huanchaco all by himself. I was terrifyingly worried about him until he emailed me to say he was okay. I felt responsible for him, after all. I'm the one with the travelling experience, not him. This was basically the first time he'd left Peru, and the first time he'd been away from his family, and the first time he'd spent an extended period of time with a girl.

So you are probably wondering was so great about the trip. Besides the obvious warm sandy beaches, hot sex and general fabulousness. Well. Something weird happened between Cesar and me, and I think we fell in love a little bit. I feel ridiculous saying that, but it's true. I feel embarrassed to say that, like it is so far fetched but..why not, really?

Dejame explicar. So for the past bit over a month Cesar and I had been hanging out a lot, basically every day except when I left for the weekend. So I did see a good deal of him. And I liked him a lot, but I didn't feel that close to him, because he was always holding back. And I didn't share that much with him either, since it didn't seem like that's the sort of thing that he wanted. So when he did little things that bugged me, I didn't say anything because we weren't in a serious relationship anyway, so I should just let it go, right? Lesson learned from the Jorge Experience. But somehow, when we went travelling together, things started to change.

I started to realize that he really did care about me. He was so super-nice and attentive and caring when I was sick. He started sharing things with me, about himself, about our relationship, I started telling him all sorts of things about me, my neurosis (of which I have many), my past, my future. It was a very emotional week and we both cried multiple times, sometimes because we were talking about something in our past, sometimes because of my impending departure, and sometimes because I had a freaking migrane!! But it was like, woa, what is going on here? I did not expect this to happen. I expected to just leave and have that be that, but I come to find out the boy LOVES me. He really does. And I think I love him too.

Course, I'm second guessing everything. How do I know he's sinceeeere? How do I know the feelings won't change? And well, I don't. And I'm trying REALLY HARD to be okay with that right now, but any of you that know me at all, know that it's practically impossible (no, it's impossible) for me not to over-analyze things. On the outside this whole situation seems so ridiculous to me. But then I think, people do it every day. I have multiple friends who are married to foreigners. But I barely KNOW the guy. I think I've had my heart crapped on so much before it's especially hard for me to trust that something good is actually happening. And I'm still not sure. I don't know if I'll ever be. But I'm just taking it one day at a time. We'll see what happens when I'm in Wyoming. We'll email a lot, talk on the phone a lot, see how it goes. If he really wants to be with me, he has a lot of work to do. He has to start studying English more seriously for one, and for the other he has to stop smoking so much pot! Both of these things he has already started to do though, so we'll see if he continues. That is how he'll show me that he's sincere. If we keep in good contact the whole summer and nothing changes, odds are come next November I'll head back down there to visit him, to see how things really are. We shall see. Besides how rad would it be to be married to a Cesar?

Will Chloe marry the exotic foreigner? Will she move into an apartment with her new husband, get a dog and a cat, and start having little brown babies? Stay tuned to find out...

I don't even know what to think. I am driving myself nuts, as usual. Thinking WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH. Can I ever turn it off, ever??? If I drive myself crazy, I can only imagine how I drive everybody else!!

What am I doing with Cesar? Is this a good thing, or a bad thing? I've already broke one Latin heart, do I really want to break another? Would I break it, or would it work out? Would he break mine? What good does it do to speculate? Must I speculate? What if I don't? What if I simply go on into it head first without thinking about it too much? Would that be such a crime? Would I be capable of DOING that?

Pros and cons, pros and cons. I could list them. Now THAT would be anal. There are two main issues here. 1) Is Cesar seriously, honestly, the right one for me? Would I be happy with him forever? Would he be able to fulfill my needs emotionally, spiritually, financially? But also 2) The whole goddamn legal aspect. How do we even get started?? I have no idea!! Though I suppose it IS something that people DO, so it must be possible. It just seems so daunting..and I have no experience with it, and I have no idea where to begin.

If we really stuck this out, would I feel like I was carrying him along with me our entire lives? I feel like the husband here. The one in charge, the boss. But when we're together, it doesn't feel like that. But I mean, just literally, it IS like that isn't it? I'm the one calling the shots sort of..I'm the one with the money, I'm the one from the successful country, I'm the one with assets, I'm the one who needs to HELP him.

But what is wrong with that really? Don't I like to help people? I always help people. I always put myself in helping situations..in the jobs I choose, the volunteer rolls I fill. I seek that out, don't I? Wouldn't it make sense that I would do the same with him? I always want to help help help.

In a relationship, almost more than wanting to be loved, I want to love someone. Which I think is a very healthy way of looking at it. A relationship should be all about give and take. Could we honestly make this work? Could he be the one I'm looking for?? The thing I have wanted most in my life for like the past ten fucking years was a parter, and here's a person who wants to be my partner, or at least he thinks he does, but can I really trust that?? I'm not even sure if my own feelings, how can I be sure of his?

Will I ever be sure of my feelings? There are so many unknowns. Is that okay? Is it okay that it is like that? Can I trust that? Why do I have such a problem trusting? Oh yea because I've been screwed over every time I've trusted a man. I don't want that to happen again! I cannot go through that feeling of depression again. I don't know if my heart could take it, I really don't!

Why do I always feel things so much? Why do I always think about things too much? I feel like this relationship is bringing to light a lot of my neurosis, which I knew I had, but I don't know, they're becoming more relevant or apparent or something. Could Cesar help me with that? I think maybe he could...

But could Cesar succeed here? Could he get a good job? Could he learn English? Could he stop smoking pot? Can I trust him to do these things? I don't want to carry the whole load! I can't do that my entire life. It has to be shared. Can I count on him to put in his 50%? I don't even KNOW the guy...

I guess I just need to wait and see...

I´m okay now..my head didn´t even really hurt me very much today, and I´ve only taken Excedrin one time. However, future note to self -- there is a good reason the antibiotics warnings include staying out of the sun. I spent an hour sunbathing today, and now my body is like completely covered with hives. We´re in Montañitas now, this ritzy little beach town in Ecuador..and it´s nice and stuff but really expensive! But tomorrow we shall continue northward. It´s a bummer though because I really wanted to do some serious work on my tan before I came back...Elas. I keep having these like brief moments where I can smell stuff. The moment lasts only like 30 seconds and then it´s gone, but it gives me hope. Unfortunately I can only smell really strong things like incense and burning garbage and Cesar after being in the bus for five hours, but at least I know my sense of smell´s not gone forever. It is an interesting world, this world without smell...

Cesar´s being with me so far has been more of a good thing than a bad thing, though of course he has bugged the crap out of me at various moments. But I think I have learned from the Jorge experience to just..let..it..go since I´m leaving anyway. Besides I like him a lot more than Jorge and we jive better. But still, he´s a boy, and therefore doesn´t understand women. But at least he´s carrying my big backpack for me, but that might only be because I´m sick. I´M actually a little more wordly wise on this trip than him (I´M the one who got us through the border with no problems, thank you), but I´m still very glad to have him with me, as it is comforting and more fun that way. And being back in Ecuador makes me remember why I liked Ecuador more than Peru, and I still do. Even though it´s way more expensive. It is way, way more tranquilo, and the people are super duper nice and helpful, and there are way less creepy annoying men. Right now I´m by myself, sort of as an experiment (and because Cesar was bugging me) and I haven´t gotten nearly as many hoots and hollers as I would in Peru. Well, none really. Only a few polite enough hellos, that´s all.

No, but I´m sort of kidding. I am glad Cesar is here and we are having a good time. It´s very exciting for him too because like, everything is very new, and where he comes is a desert, and here there are all these green things. Tomorrow we´re going to a coastal national park, and I think it´s going to be really, really pretty.

WAaaaaah....I´m siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick. :( I had what I thought was a cold for like two weeks, only it was a little odd because my ears were plugged up, and I couldn´t smell anything, like anything, at all. And when it wouldn´t go away, I finally went to the doctor in Huanchaco. And I have sinusitus. So I´m on antibiotics and stuff, but I still don´t feel that well. Well, now I feel alright, but yesterday I was in the bus for 19 hours, from Trujillo to Guayaquil, Ecuador, and by the time it was over, I had a migrane headache, which lasted all freaking day. And the fact that it´s like 800 degrees here doesn´t help either. I´m here in Guayaquil with my gentleman friend Cesar, who came with me from Huanchaco, and today we were going to go up farther north on the coast, but we couldn´t, because I felt like ass. But now..more or less I´m alright. The headache yesterday was more from the bus I think. Though the sinusitus does give me a bad sinus headache too..sigh. And I´m almost out of Excedrin. I just hope I feel better for the freaking plane, or else it will be a repeat of the bus experience, only worse, what with the change in pressure. Gagh..oh well.

So in other words, this means I can´t be drinking any beer. And I think supposedly it means I should stay out of the sun, but that´s probably not going to happen. I´m going to be home a week from tomorrow, no me lo puedo creer.

So it is T minus 17 days until I leave this continent to travel back to another America that I know and love so dearly. Jesus Christ, I can´t believe it.

My second month here in Huanchaco has been distinctly different than my first month, but equally cool, in different ways. Last month had me getting to know people from all points on the compass, this month has me getting to know the locals. Last month had me living in a really nice place that included food but that was expensive and had weirdly overshadowing parent-like landlords, this month has me living in a much smaller and not so cool but way cheaper place without anybody looking over my shoulder, eating chicken hamburgers for a dollar out of somebody´s living room cum restaurant four times a week. Last month saw me having more friends, but this month has me having more sex. So, it´s a toss up as to which month has been better.

Yea so everything changed for me in March. First of all, a lot of my gringo friends whom I had made left. Sad. But just about at this exact same moment is when I started spending a lot a lot of time with el César and his huevones. So I traded about five foreign friends that were cool for two or three good local friends, also cool. And with them, I speak Spanish. I have learned more about Peruvian slang than I ever needed to know. Basically it all centers around the cock and balls, similar to American slang. My pot intake has also quadrupled this month. I still don´t smoke that much though..mostly I hang out with them when they are doing it.

Okay, besides that, I moved out of Otra Cosa, the restaurant where I was living. I now habitate a hostel at the other end of town, which is very close to where el César lives. It is way cheaper, but does not include food. And since I don´t know how to feed myself, I´ve only been eating like one and a half meals a day, which has been great for the waistline.

My ¨job¨ description has changed too. I now teach two English classes here in Huanchaco, which is cool because I don´t have to go to Trujillo every day anymore. One of my classes is Basico 1, which basically means learning the verb ¨to be,¨ I mean, from SCRATCH, but it´s kind of fun because my students are fun. My other class is more advanced but still only intermediate. El César is in that class, too, along with another friend of mine, so that makes it interesting. Sex with a student, woo! Not during class though. I haven´t been working at the boy´s home as much anymore, but still a little bit. I also started waitressing at Otra Cosa twice a week, which is a little weird, since I started AFTER I moved out, but whatever. They needed help, and I like to help. And besides it´s fun for some bizarre reason. I like the people I work with. All these Peruvian ladies. We talk about men and the silly things they do.

So in other words, I´ve been keeping relatively busy, but not too busy. This past weekend I really didn´t want to stay in Huanchaco because, although it´s cool and all, it´s a lot of the same old same old. And I´m kind of an old woman and don´t like to go out that much anyway, especially when it´s always to the same place with the same people. So I decied to travel to Cajamarca, a city in the mountains about six hours away. I went by myself, even though I really don´t like to do that, but I was just so bored in Huanchaco..so I somehow found the balls and up and left all by my lonesome.

Course, I should know by now that a gringa never has to be alone if she doesn´t want to, though the company she finds may not always be ideal. After finding a crappy but cheap hostel to stay in Cajamarca, I went outside in the rainy evening to use the internet. I was walking down the street near the main square when, wouldn´t you know, this guy runs up to talk to me. He has to have been one of the smallest grown men I´ve ever seen. I mean, they grow them small here sometimes, but this guy was like, petite. So he starts talking to me, and surprisingly enough, I start talking back to him. I don´t usually do that -- usually I´m just an icy bitch and blow them off completely, but I was bored. And besides, he was so small (I probably had a good four inches and 30 pounds on him) I figured if he tried anything I could probably take him in a fight.

So he ended up not being too creepy and we walked around for a while. I didn´t tell him I have a boyfriend, because I figured he wouldn´t want to talk to me then. He was actually kind of cute, in a Mini Me sort of way. Oh god though, you guys. He was SOOOO unoriginal. ¨So...what do you think of Peru?¨ ¨Have you tried ceviche?¨ ¨Do you dance salsa?¨ Puh-leese. But it was only when he insisted on reciting poetry to me that it really got awkward. I mean, it was like a scene out of a bad movie. I´m cringing just thinking about it. He managed to recite about four love poems before he decided he wanted to sing to me too. ¨FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!¨ I was thinking to myself, trying to go to my happy place in my head. ¨No, ah, no..ah..that´s really not necessary...¨ I managed to say, and I was adamant about it enough that I got him to change his mind about bursting into song.

Anyway, I checked my email the next day, only to discover that my darling French Canadian friend Ellie was also in Cajamarca. Sweet! Now I didn´t have to hang out with the tiny man anymore. So I met up with her and her Peruvian friend Jhony, some of his friends, and we hiked around the mountains a bit. Visited some collapsed tunnels and ancient ruins. Got lots of cactus spines in our fingers, lips, and mouths trying to eat this tasty cactus fruit off the side of the road (We were stoned, what can I say?). The next day we visited some hot thermal pools and I went toddling off on my way back to Huanchaco, suitably refreshed.

Incidentally, this Cajamarca weekend was witness to my biggest Spanish faux pas as of yet. My Spanish is quite good now, if I do say so, but that is not to say I do not make errors at times. Ellie and I went into a sweets shop to get some cake one evening. I wanted the chocolate dream, she wanted the chocolate peach. So I very confidently went up to the waiter and asked for ¨dos pedazos de caca.¨ Now, first of all, this is wrong because pedazo is like, a chunk I think, I should have said, ¨porcion.¨ But this is not the part of the sentence which prompted the waiter to burst into laughter. Nay, it was the word ¨caca¨ which inspired such glee. Here in Peru they use a Spanglish word, queque, for cake. Pronounced kaykay, kind of like cake, but different. Caca, on the other hand, means doo doo, as in poop. I didn´t know what the waiter was laughing at at the time, and although I asked him to explain, he would not. It was not until the next day when I asked Jhony that I truely understood the depth of my faux pas.

So I´m only here for another week, and off I trot again, this time up north back to Quito eventually. I plan to head up the coast of Ecuador, hopefully put some more quality time into my tan before I leave. I am hoping to bring el César with me. As of right now, he says he will go, but I could just see him changing his mind. He is a good boy, but kind of annoying at times. If I weren´t leaving soon, I would probably have to break up with him at some point, but luckily I AM leaving, thus I can avoid the awkward confrontation that I so hate. I always seem to have luck like that...No, but I do like him. More than Jorge, really. We have funny conversations. And the sex is FABulous. South America, will always be for me, the place where Chloe Bowen learned to enjoy penetration. FINALLY.

But here is my problem, you guys. I want to take el César with me to Ecuador. For a variety of reasons. 1) It would make my life WAY easier, as he is male, fluent Spanish speaker, and brown of color. 2) It would give me someone to hang out with and do stuff. 3) Ass. BUT..Jorge wants to see me when I´m in Quito. Before, in the past, I had told him that this was a possibility, but not a surety. But if I bring el César with me, I definitely CANNOT see him. And even if I DON´T bring el César I´m still not so sure it´s a good idea. This poor, poor boy, you guys. I have done him wrong in so many ways. Used him as my little puppet on a string. Called on him when I wanted him, let him out to pasture when I was through. Played with his wee, little country boy heart. And now..fuck. I feel like such an asshole. I don´t know what to say to him. I told him that things ¨have changed¨ but I haven´t told him I´ve found somebody else..I just don´t really see a need. But what excuse can I have for not seeing him in Quito, when before I told him I could? Course, the idea of them meeting has crossed my mind...as well as the idea of a three way, naturally, but considering how homophobic they are down here, THAT would never happen. Damn. And oh god, they could never meet. ¨Worlds collide, Jerry!¨ as George Costanza would say. It would be like matter and antimatter..possibly leading to total destruction of the planet earth. No, it would not be good.

So..I´m not sure what to do about that.

Anyhoo though, I need to go. I´ve got a date with el César.

Yes. I continue to see el Cesar. Like the salad. Ever since we started smooching, back in the end of February, I´ve seen him most every day. Not like, all day, but in the evening at least for a few hours. Which is good. He is also in my English class, which is interesting. He actually speaks really badly, and the class is too advanced for him, but his accent is precious.

The timing of starting to hang out with him was very good, because it all started just about at the end of the month when all my gringo friends were leaving anyway. So now, I have few gringo friends left, but I hang out with Cesar and his friends, so I still have something to do. And it´s more interesting culturally to hang out with locals anyway. I have learned lots and lots and loooots of slang. It´s hilarious to hear them talk to eachother..every other words is either ¨puta¨ or ¨huevon.¨ Also of course, concha de tu madre, or, as I prefer it, concha de tu machina. And many, many others. My favorite slang word by far though, has to be ¨estonazo.¨ Can you guess what it means? Let me explain you.

Okay, in Spain they add ¨on¨to words to make them big, right? Well they also do that here (aka huevon) but they also add either ¨ote¨or ¨azo¨as well as other options. So the word estonazo means really stoned, because it comes from the English slang word stoned, and then they add azo to the end. So it´s this perfect marriage between American slang and Peruvian slang. I love it.

Anyway, let´s overanalyze el Cesar for a moment, shall we? He is a good dude, and at first I liked him a lot, and I still like him, but eeeeh..if I weren´t leaving already, I would probably have to break up with him. But lucky for me, I AM leaving, thus avoiding once again the confrontation that I so despise. No, but he´s cool, but he´s just..very..masculine. He plays Counter Strike online, for example. He also smokes way too much pot, and does coke sometimes. And we play around, you know, wrestle and rough house, which is fun, but half the time he actually hurts me. And I´m like, ow, you´re hurting me, and he´s like, jajajaja. But in some ways, a lot of ways, I like him more than Jorge. Because we do have good conversations, he talks more than Jorge does, we laugh together, etc. But sometimes he takes these jokes too far, is the thing, doesn´t know when it´s not funny anymore. Because, my theory is, well, it´s this: men and women are different. I know, a revoluntary thought. Men treat and talk to other men one way, and they talk to women in a different way. Or at least they should. But el Cesar sort of talks to me like I´m a guy, like, kind of harsh, you know? Jorge did the same thing actually. He doesn´t understand women. But do any men, really? So that´s what I mean by him being masculine. Also, he sort of doesn´t mostrarme mucho, like, much of his feelings and stuff, what he really thinks of me, etc., but that´s probably because I´m leaving anyway. Probably protecting himself or something. If I had to guess though, I´d guess he likes me a lot.

That said, the sex is fabulous. Even THOUGH he doesn´t go down. Never has. But still. Seriously. Kristen, for me, South America will always be the place where Chloe Bowen learned to enjoy penetration.

First with Jorge. It was good. I did enjoy el sexo with him. But he has a really big dick, so it actually really hurt me sometimes, not to mention gave me a yeast infection. But I still liked it, we did lots of positions, etc. But with el Cesar, even better! He has a smaller weenis (not small though, mind you, just pretty standard) so it doesn´t hurt me. It is also uncut, which as you know I prefer. We do lots of positions, and he can actually pick me up off the floor, which is toootally hot. I really, really like it. Now I know what all the fuss is all about! I totally didn´t realize before. Which is kind of sad! But at least now I do. I knew, I KNEW! that one day I would find a good who could do me right. And I myself with these two gentlemen have learned to do it better. It´s great!!

At the moment I have escaped Huanchaco. I did NOT want to spend another weekend there doing the same old same old, so I´m in the mountains, in Cajamarca. Yesterday I randomly ran into some dude who was cool and not creepy, hung out with him for a while. There is, of course, a 99.9% chance that he wants to get in my pants, but he´s shorter than me, so I could probably take him. He´s kind of cute though. If it weren´t for el Cesar, I might make out with him. Didn´t tell him I had a boyfriend though because then he probably wouldn´t want to hang out with me. In just a few minutes I´m hopefully meeting up with my friend Ellie to do, I don´t know what exactly. It´s just nice to be away for a little while.

I have been in Huanchaco for a month now and have had lots of little adventures.

Getting settled into Peruvian life. For the first two, three weeks or so here, I wasn't really sure if I was happy. I was trying to decide if I really wanted to stay the two months that I promised, or if I should just skip out early and go travelling or something. But at the same time, I wasn't sure if travelling would be better..traveling, in itself, can be very, very stressful. And I didn't know what I was looking for exactly, so leaving would not have necessarily made me feel better, you know?

I decided not to do it with my boss. Eeeeeh..I just didn't feel right about it. The problem was that I actually liked him, and that can always be very dangerous. All he wanted to do with me was mess around, you know? He didn't want to actually DATE me; he wants to date all of Huanchaco, at the same time. So it just made me feel bad about myself. So, as is my usual pattern, I was an icy bitch to him for about a week, and then sort of tapered that off, and now we're cool again. So it's fine. I really don't like him the way I did at first; he's not the same person to me. So then, part of me (the naughty part) is like, well, if I don't care anymore, now I can do him! Yay! But no no, Chloe. You know that's not a good idea. And I won't. But we flirt and stuff, and I enjoy tantalizing him without giving him anything. God girls are weird.

So I am feeling more comfortable here. The things that were bugging me don't bug me as much. I have somewhat gotten used to being hassled in the street. I realized that I was being a bitch to all men indescrimately. I was assuming that if they were talking to me, they were taaaaalking to me, know what I mean? But I've started to differentiate a bit. And, after having begun to do that, I have realized that they aren't all assholes after all! This past like week and a half I've started to get to know more locals (mostly guys -- it's always easier to meet guys) and some of them are actually decent human beings. Quite a few actually.

I met one of these cool people thanks to my darling friend Sue, whom I met in the Galapagos. She told me back then that she had a guy friend who lived in Trujillo and when I was in Huanchaco I should email him. So at first I didn't do it, because the potential for weirdness is always very high in a situation like that, kind of like a blind date even though it's not a DATE, weird anticiipation, potential for many awkward silences, etc. But I decided, I'm on vacation, damn it, so I gave it a whirl. And he's actually pretty cool and totally not creepy. We've hung out a few times. He hasn't tried to touch my boobs or anything but, I don't know, I can't tell if he likes me (I mean, likes me likes me) or not. I hope not, because I just like him, not like him like him. So...whenever we hang out, I don't know, it feels a little weird sometimes. I try to hang out in a group with him. I wish he were gay; it would be easier.

Hopefully my time in Huanchaco will continue to go well. I am sad though, because next week practically all of my gringo friends are leaving me!! New ones will be coming, but still. All the more reason to meet more locals. I need to find a local boitoi to practice my Spanish with. But you know, I think I just might have...

His name is Cesar. As in Little Cesar's. His name in itself instantly gave him extra points. He lives in Huanchaco, works at a mechanics shop in Trujillo -- which means he has a job! And, get this, you guys are going to be so proud of me -- he's 26!! My age!!! And he's totally not creepy. So not creepy that at first I thought he might be gay. But no, he's just nice. Around here there is this whole culture surrounding chasing gringas. Guys that do this are called brincheros, see there's even a name for it. They go for gringa after gringa after gringa. They try to come and strike up a conversation with you when you're peacefully reading by yourself on the beach. They shout "Hello byoo-tee-full!" to you when you're walking down the street. Really, really annoying. But this boy, el Cesar, he's not like that at all. I don't think he even knows very many gringos. So in other words, I might have snagged the only nice one in town! Well, we shall see.

We ended up hanging out for a long time last night, talking and smooching and stuff. I was kind of drunk, so I invited him back to my room, which, well, I'm not actually supposed to do. I sort of forgot about that fact when I was all silly drunk. Anyhoo, we mostly just talked and cuddled and stuff nothing major, but OF COURSE, when you think you're being quiet when you're drunk, you're not. So today everybody is making fun of me. And I'm kind of afraid of my landlords. Not exactly landlords..they're this Dutch couple that run the volunteer organization, and they live here in this house with me. And they have to know I had someone over. And I'm not supposed to! So I basically feel like a 14 year old sneaking around behind her parents' back. I'm waiting to get the "we're very dissapointed in you" speech. If this whole thing with Cesar continues I'm not sure what I'm going to have to do...move or something.

Oh yea, and the volunteering. Right, the reason I'm here. The teaching is alright, I only have two classes and it's a pain because I have to go to Trujillo four times a week for just one class. But I like the class. There are two women in it, and we've done a few things outside of class, like to go to a museum, visit some ruins. So that's cool, more local friends. I'm also still volunteering at Mundo de Ninos, the boys home here in Huanchaco. That is pretty interesting actually. I never thought I would like working with kids, but I kind of do. I find I understand them more than I thought I would. They're actually pretty cool. Each with their own little personality. Man, it's sad though when I think about it too much...these kids all used to live on the streets, and they're the lucky ones, because now they live in this home. But there are soooo many kids who live in poverty, who have to go around all day trying to sell candy and gum to tourists instead of going to school. So without going to school, they'll probably never escape it...it's this vicious cycle. But..I don't know..these problems are so huge..I'm just going to do what I can and play on the beach with the kids.

Now, a lot of you are probably wondering how Chloe's professional surfing career is coming along. Well. Let me just start out by saying that I don't think God wants me to surf. I have tried to have a lesson like seven different times from three different companies, and I keep getting stood up, or having confusion with the time of the lesson, or whatever, so in the end I don't go surfing. But I will perservere! Out of all these attempted classes, I have managed to have three. First time, so so. Second time, the waves were kind of big and I just got water up my nose for two hours and by the time it was over I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue. But I thought, I'm on vacation, damn it. And I always quit sports. Maybe I should just keep going with this one, give it another shot. So I did it a third time, and hey! I kind of liked it! I totally stood up on the board, like, a bunch of times! Okay so it was the biggest board they have, but still! So I'm definitely going to do it a few more times at least. If I ever want to learn, this is my chance.