I´m okay now..my head didn´t even really hurt me very much today, and I´ve only taken Excedrin one time. However, future note to self -- there is a good reason the antibiotics warnings include staying out of the sun. I spent an hour sunbathing today, and now my body is like completely covered with hives. We´re in Montañitas now, this ritzy little beach town in Ecuador..and it´s nice and stuff but really expensive! But tomorrow we shall continue northward. It´s a bummer though because I really wanted to do some serious work on my tan before I came back...Elas. I keep having these like brief moments where I can smell stuff. The moment lasts only like 30 seconds and then it´s gone, but it gives me hope. Unfortunately I can only smell really strong things like incense and burning garbage and Cesar after being in the bus for five hours, but at least I know my sense of smell´s not gone forever. It is an interesting world, this world without smell...

Cesar´s being with me so far has been more of a good thing than a bad thing, though of course he has bugged the crap out of me at various moments. But I think I have learned from the Jorge experience to just..let..it..go since I´m leaving anyway. Besides I like him a lot more than Jorge and we jive better. But still, he´s a boy, and therefore doesn´t understand women. But at least he´s carrying my big backpack for me, but that might only be because I´m sick. I´M actually a little more wordly wise on this trip than him (I´M the one who got us through the border with no problems, thank you), but I´m still very glad to have him with me, as it is comforting and more fun that way. And being back in Ecuador makes me remember why I liked Ecuador more than Peru, and I still do. Even though it´s way more expensive. It is way, way more tranquilo, and the people are super duper nice and helpful, and there are way less creepy annoying men. Right now I´m by myself, sort of as an experiment (and because Cesar was bugging me) and I haven´t gotten nearly as many hoots and hollers as I would in Peru. Well, none really. Only a few polite enough hellos, that´s all.

No, but I´m sort of kidding. I am glad Cesar is here and we are having a good time. It´s very exciting for him too because like, everything is very new, and where he comes is a desert, and here there are all these green things. Tomorrow we´re going to a coastal national park, and I think it´s going to be really, really pretty.

WAaaaaah....I´m siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick. :( I had what I thought was a cold for like two weeks, only it was a little odd because my ears were plugged up, and I couldn´t smell anything, like anything, at all. And when it wouldn´t go away, I finally went to the doctor in Huanchaco. And I have sinusitus. So I´m on antibiotics and stuff, but I still don´t feel that well. Well, now I feel alright, but yesterday I was in the bus for 19 hours, from Trujillo to Guayaquil, Ecuador, and by the time it was over, I had a migrane headache, which lasted all freaking day. And the fact that it´s like 800 degrees here doesn´t help either. I´m here in Guayaquil with my gentleman friend Cesar, who came with me from Huanchaco, and today we were going to go up farther north on the coast, but we couldn´t, because I felt like ass. But now..more or less I´m alright. The headache yesterday was more from the bus I think. Though the sinusitus does give me a bad sinus headache too..sigh. And I´m almost out of Excedrin. I just hope I feel better for the freaking plane, or else it will be a repeat of the bus experience, only worse, what with the change in pressure. Gagh..oh well.

So in other words, this means I can´t be drinking any beer. And I think supposedly it means I should stay out of the sun, but that´s probably not going to happen. I´m going to be home a week from tomorrow, no me lo puedo creer.

So it is T minus 17 days until I leave this continent to travel back to another America that I know and love so dearly. Jesus Christ, I can´t believe it.

My second month here in Huanchaco has been distinctly different than my first month, but equally cool, in different ways. Last month had me getting to know people from all points on the compass, this month has me getting to know the locals. Last month had me living in a really nice place that included food but that was expensive and had weirdly overshadowing parent-like landlords, this month has me living in a much smaller and not so cool but way cheaper place without anybody looking over my shoulder, eating chicken hamburgers for a dollar out of somebody´s living room cum restaurant four times a week. Last month saw me having more friends, but this month has me having more sex. So, it´s a toss up as to which month has been better.

Yea so everything changed for me in March. First of all, a lot of my gringo friends whom I had made left. Sad. But just about at this exact same moment is when I started spending a lot a lot of time with el César and his huevones. So I traded about five foreign friends that were cool for two or three good local friends, also cool. And with them, I speak Spanish. I have learned more about Peruvian slang than I ever needed to know. Basically it all centers around the cock and balls, similar to American slang. My pot intake has also quadrupled this month. I still don´t smoke that much though..mostly I hang out with them when they are doing it.

Okay, besides that, I moved out of Otra Cosa, the restaurant where I was living. I now habitate a hostel at the other end of town, which is very close to where el César lives. It is way cheaper, but does not include food. And since I don´t know how to feed myself, I´ve only been eating like one and a half meals a day, which has been great for the waistline.

My ¨job¨ description has changed too. I now teach two English classes here in Huanchaco, which is cool because I don´t have to go to Trujillo every day anymore. One of my classes is Basico 1, which basically means learning the verb ¨to be,¨ I mean, from SCRATCH, but it´s kind of fun because my students are fun. My other class is more advanced but still only intermediate. El César is in that class, too, along with another friend of mine, so that makes it interesting. Sex with a student, woo! Not during class though. I haven´t been working at the boy´s home as much anymore, but still a little bit. I also started waitressing at Otra Cosa twice a week, which is a little weird, since I started AFTER I moved out, but whatever. They needed help, and I like to help. And besides it´s fun for some bizarre reason. I like the people I work with. All these Peruvian ladies. We talk about men and the silly things they do.

So in other words, I´ve been keeping relatively busy, but not too busy. This past weekend I really didn´t want to stay in Huanchaco because, although it´s cool and all, it´s a lot of the same old same old. And I´m kind of an old woman and don´t like to go out that much anyway, especially when it´s always to the same place with the same people. So I decied to travel to Cajamarca, a city in the mountains about six hours away. I went by myself, even though I really don´t like to do that, but I was just so bored in Huanchaco..so I somehow found the balls and up and left all by my lonesome.

Course, I should know by now that a gringa never has to be alone if she doesn´t want to, though the company she finds may not always be ideal. After finding a crappy but cheap hostel to stay in Cajamarca, I went outside in the rainy evening to use the internet. I was walking down the street near the main square when, wouldn´t you know, this guy runs up to talk to me. He has to have been one of the smallest grown men I´ve ever seen. I mean, they grow them small here sometimes, but this guy was like, petite. So he starts talking to me, and surprisingly enough, I start talking back to him. I don´t usually do that -- usually I´m just an icy bitch and blow them off completely, but I was bored. And besides, he was so small (I probably had a good four inches and 30 pounds on him) I figured if he tried anything I could probably take him in a fight.

So he ended up not being too creepy and we walked around for a while. I didn´t tell him I have a boyfriend, because I figured he wouldn´t want to talk to me then. He was actually kind of cute, in a Mini Me sort of way. Oh god though, you guys. He was SOOOO unoriginal. ¨So...what do you think of Peru?¨ ¨Have you tried ceviche?¨ ¨Do you dance salsa?¨ Puh-leese. But it was only when he insisted on reciting poetry to me that it really got awkward. I mean, it was like a scene out of a bad movie. I´m cringing just thinking about it. He managed to recite about four love poems before he decided he wanted to sing to me too. ¨FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!¨ I was thinking to myself, trying to go to my happy place in my head. ¨No, ah, no..ah..that´s really not necessary...¨ I managed to say, and I was adamant about it enough that I got him to change his mind about bursting into song.

Anyway, I checked my email the next day, only to discover that my darling French Canadian friend Ellie was also in Cajamarca. Sweet! Now I didn´t have to hang out with the tiny man anymore. So I met up with her and her Peruvian friend Jhony, some of his friends, and we hiked around the mountains a bit. Visited some collapsed tunnels and ancient ruins. Got lots of cactus spines in our fingers, lips, and mouths trying to eat this tasty cactus fruit off the side of the road (We were stoned, what can I say?). The next day we visited some hot thermal pools and I went toddling off on my way back to Huanchaco, suitably refreshed.

Incidentally, this Cajamarca weekend was witness to my biggest Spanish faux pas as of yet. My Spanish is quite good now, if I do say so, but that is not to say I do not make errors at times. Ellie and I went into a sweets shop to get some cake one evening. I wanted the chocolate dream, she wanted the chocolate peach. So I very confidently went up to the waiter and asked for ¨dos pedazos de caca.¨ Now, first of all, this is wrong because pedazo is like, a chunk I think, I should have said, ¨porcion.¨ But this is not the part of the sentence which prompted the waiter to burst into laughter. Nay, it was the word ¨caca¨ which inspired such glee. Here in Peru they use a Spanglish word, queque, for cake. Pronounced kaykay, kind of like cake, but different. Caca, on the other hand, means doo doo, as in poop. I didn´t know what the waiter was laughing at at the time, and although I asked him to explain, he would not. It was not until the next day when I asked Jhony that I truely understood the depth of my faux pas.

So I´m only here for another week, and off I trot again, this time up north back to Quito eventually. I plan to head up the coast of Ecuador, hopefully put some more quality time into my tan before I leave. I am hoping to bring el César with me. As of right now, he says he will go, but I could just see him changing his mind. He is a good boy, but kind of annoying at times. If I weren´t leaving soon, I would probably have to break up with him at some point, but luckily I AM leaving, thus I can avoid the awkward confrontation that I so hate. I always seem to have luck like that...No, but I do like him. More than Jorge, really. We have funny conversations. And the sex is FABulous. South America, will always be for me, the place where Chloe Bowen learned to enjoy penetration. FINALLY.

But here is my problem, you guys. I want to take el César with me to Ecuador. For a variety of reasons. 1) It would make my life WAY easier, as he is male, fluent Spanish speaker, and brown of color. 2) It would give me someone to hang out with and do stuff. 3) Ass. BUT..Jorge wants to see me when I´m in Quito. Before, in the past, I had told him that this was a possibility, but not a surety. But if I bring el César with me, I definitely CANNOT see him. And even if I DON´T bring el César I´m still not so sure it´s a good idea. This poor, poor boy, you guys. I have done him wrong in so many ways. Used him as my little puppet on a string. Called on him when I wanted him, let him out to pasture when I was through. Played with his wee, little country boy heart. And now..fuck. I feel like such an asshole. I don´t know what to say to him. I told him that things ¨have changed¨ but I haven´t told him I´ve found somebody else..I just don´t really see a need. But what excuse can I have for not seeing him in Quito, when before I told him I could? Course, the idea of them meeting has crossed my mind...as well as the idea of a three way, naturally, but considering how homophobic they are down here, THAT would never happen. Damn. And oh god, they could never meet. ¨Worlds collide, Jerry!¨ as George Costanza would say. It would be like matter and antimatter..possibly leading to total destruction of the planet earth. No, it would not be good.

So..I´m not sure what to do about that.

Anyhoo though, I need to go. I´ve got a date with el César.

Yes. I continue to see el Cesar. Like the salad. Ever since we started smooching, back in the end of February, I´ve seen him most every day. Not like, all day, but in the evening at least for a few hours. Which is good. He is also in my English class, which is interesting. He actually speaks really badly, and the class is too advanced for him, but his accent is precious.

The timing of starting to hang out with him was very good, because it all started just about at the end of the month when all my gringo friends were leaving anyway. So now, I have few gringo friends left, but I hang out with Cesar and his friends, so I still have something to do. And it´s more interesting culturally to hang out with locals anyway. I have learned lots and lots and loooots of slang. It´s hilarious to hear them talk to eachother..every other words is either ¨puta¨ or ¨huevon.¨ Also of course, concha de tu madre, or, as I prefer it, concha de tu machina. And many, many others. My favorite slang word by far though, has to be ¨estonazo.¨ Can you guess what it means? Let me explain you.

Okay, in Spain they add ¨on¨to words to make them big, right? Well they also do that here (aka huevon) but they also add either ¨ote¨or ¨azo¨as well as other options. So the word estonazo means really stoned, because it comes from the English slang word stoned, and then they add azo to the end. So it´s this perfect marriage between American slang and Peruvian slang. I love it.

Anyway, let´s overanalyze el Cesar for a moment, shall we? He is a good dude, and at first I liked him a lot, and I still like him, but eeeeh..if I weren´t leaving already, I would probably have to break up with him. But lucky for me, I AM leaving, thus avoiding once again the confrontation that I so despise. No, but he´s cool, but he´s just..very..masculine. He plays Counter Strike online, for example. He also smokes way too much pot, and does coke sometimes. And we play around, you know, wrestle and rough house, which is fun, but half the time he actually hurts me. And I´m like, ow, you´re hurting me, and he´s like, jajajaja. But in some ways, a lot of ways, I like him more than Jorge. Because we do have good conversations, he talks more than Jorge does, we laugh together, etc. But sometimes he takes these jokes too far, is the thing, doesn´t know when it´s not funny anymore. Because, my theory is, well, it´s this: men and women are different. I know, a revoluntary thought. Men treat and talk to other men one way, and they talk to women in a different way. Or at least they should. But el Cesar sort of talks to me like I´m a guy, like, kind of harsh, you know? Jorge did the same thing actually. He doesn´t understand women. But do any men, really? So that´s what I mean by him being masculine. Also, he sort of doesn´t mostrarme mucho, like, much of his feelings and stuff, what he really thinks of me, etc., but that´s probably because I´m leaving anyway. Probably protecting himself or something. If I had to guess though, I´d guess he likes me a lot.

That said, the sex is fabulous. Even THOUGH he doesn´t go down. Never has. But still. Seriously. Kristen, for me, South America will always be the place where Chloe Bowen learned to enjoy penetration.

First with Jorge. It was good. I did enjoy el sexo with him. But he has a really big dick, so it actually really hurt me sometimes, not to mention gave me a yeast infection. But I still liked it, we did lots of positions, etc. But with el Cesar, even better! He has a smaller weenis (not small though, mind you, just pretty standard) so it doesn´t hurt me. It is also uncut, which as you know I prefer. We do lots of positions, and he can actually pick me up off the floor, which is toootally hot. I really, really like it. Now I know what all the fuss is all about! I totally didn´t realize before. Which is kind of sad! But at least now I do. I knew, I KNEW! that one day I would find a good who could do me right. And I myself with these two gentlemen have learned to do it better. It´s great!!

At the moment I have escaped Huanchaco. I did NOT want to spend another weekend there doing the same old same old, so I´m in the mountains, in Cajamarca. Yesterday I randomly ran into some dude who was cool and not creepy, hung out with him for a while. There is, of course, a 99.9% chance that he wants to get in my pants, but he´s shorter than me, so I could probably take him. He´s kind of cute though. If it weren´t for el Cesar, I might make out with him. Didn´t tell him I had a boyfriend though because then he probably wouldn´t want to hang out with me. In just a few minutes I´m hopefully meeting up with my friend Ellie to do, I don´t know what exactly. It´s just nice to be away for a little while.